Cambodian survival guide

There is a truth to these blogs that is universal. Everyone looks better in their own eyes. In other words, these posts make it seem like I am breezing through my time here like a pro.

The reality is... somewhat different.

Give some of these a try! It's written how it sounds.

Yes, during this post, we'll explore my gaffs. I'll also mention a few important things to remember if you come here (no, I don't mean 'remember to bring Ryan gummy colas and hot tamales', though you should feel free...). These are the lessons that are key to surviving here (without offending someone, anyway):

Aidan and his buddy Soloman. Aidan actually speaks Khmai very well... me not so much.

Lesson 1 - People like it when you speak their language. They like it more when you make honest mistakes and blush furiously.

In my attempts to master the Khmai language, I have made a few... miscalculations. For example, when trying to communicate to a cook that I thought her meals were very delicious, I parroted something my Mother-in-law said, and tried to piece it together. What came out was a very emphatic declaration that the meals were the exact opposite of tasty! The cook, of course, laughed at the silly American - as did my Mother-in-law. That's ok, what's family for if not to laugh at you?

What?

The second one of these occurred when attempting to tell someone I was happy. It came out 'I am scary'. Oops, but on the upside, maybe someone will cast me in a Cambodian horror movie. Okay, maybe not.

Me next to the offending doorway

Lesson 2 - Ducking is more than just a good idea, it's a way of life.

Now, I'm tall. 6 foot 3 inches, if you want to be exact. I long ago gave up on the idea of certain things in life. These would include blending into a crowd, fitting into a sub-compact car, and finding pants of just the right length. However, I was not prepared for what awaited me here. Let me give it to you mathematically:

1 Ryan + (Low doorway x 100% stone construction) = lumpy head.

Yeah, it's not the square root of pi, but you get the idea. Needless to say, the top of my head has a story of its own to tell.

Aidan's fishbowl. Don't stick your hand in.  Cambodian guppies are notoriously ferocious.

There are some other noteworthy things I'd like to include. Please note, I haven't actually done (all of) these things myself.

- People steal here (see previous posts). Lock up your stuff. Put your phone away or hold on tight. Generally, it's a good idea to wear backpacks forward and keep purses zippered, secure, and possibly padlocked. As I mentioned, it's a way of life here thanks to the low education and poverty, so be vigilant (but not afraid - fear is bad). Don't take it personally if it happens, hard as that will be.

-If you're out in the country, for the sake of all things dear (including your limbs), STAY ON THE PATH. Why? 2 reasons... bugs, and land mines. Yes, there are land mines. You'll hear people say they are cleaning them up. I've seen no evidence of this, though I admit I may not have been far away from Phnom Penh enough to see. Either way, maintain the mentality of 'I love my feet. I'd like to keep my feet.' unless you are absolutely sure the field is clear. There are lots of cows too, so be vigilant for other types of land mines.

Don't wander off. Just cuz there's cows, doesn't mean it's safe.

-If someone says hello, say hello back. It's ok, they won't bite. In fact, not responding makes them feel like they've said something stupid, and they curl up inside and beat themselves up. Nobody likes a meanie, so say hi.

-Don't feed the trolls. No, wait... the ants. Called something close to 'Srouwit' here, the little devils get into everything. Poor Aidan learned this the hard way when they became interested in his dresser (their tastes change daily). I put his shirt on him, and they came pouring out of his sleeves. Not cool.

A note about the ants - it seems they have a kryptonite - black pepper. It kills them by the droves. Stick some in the hole where they got in, and no more ants (for now). It's helpful to remember that we're living in their home, not the other way around though.

You, without a flashlight. In the dark, nobody can hear you scream. Ok, well, they can, but they can't find you.

-Buy a keychain flashlight and keep it on you. Obviously, not during the day, but at night the power can, and does, go off without warning, leaving you standing, sitting, or worse, climbing stairs in the dark. The light is so you don’t trip and get hurt (cuts get infected quickly here). You’ll have to deal with the ‘sleep without a fan’ thing some other way.

Well, that’s all the humiliation and warnings for today. I should be able to get another post up tonight.